Let My Life Speak: A Journal of Discernment
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Friday, 4 December 2009
How I've been led

Examining the ways things have come to me, I'll look at what's in my life now and trace back to the instigating event.

  Lisa
About a year and a half ago, my friend Judith asked me to attend a Solstice concert in Oakland.  Or was it an Equinox concert?  Lots of wonderful music, and it was produced in part by Lisa Rafel.  I think I put my name on an email list to get updates.  Nothing happened, and I forgot about it.  Then in the fall of 2008, I got an email announcing a class called The Five Worlds.  It sounded intriguing; I signed up and went.  Now I am in a group of women who study wih Lisa, and I've done one individual session with her.  It was life transforming.  I found the place of "no need" from which I can shine my light.  It's all so new, I don't know how it'll turn out.  But I've had some dreams that tell me I'm on the right path.

  Dream Work and North of Eden
This is the most important work I've ever done (though I wonder if the work with Lisa may overtake it).  In June, 2003, I was matched with a man from Ohio by Moveon.org, which invited its members to participate in a set of phone conversations.  The man and I became friends through the conversation, and in 2006, he mentioned he did dream work.  I asked about it and said I had an interest and made time to find out more.  Then one night I had a dream that I was running from a cosmic force in the sky which wanted to kill me.  I ran onto a yacht, got below deck and hid.  In the middle of the night, I woke up and wrote down four words on a paper so I could remember the dream and record it in full.  I wrote, "Cosmic force, run, boat, hide" and went back to sleep.  In the morning, I remembered the words, but when I looked at the paper, it was blank.   That night I called and made a dream work appointment, and for the last three years, I have been deepy involved in this life transforming work.

  Finding my Wallet at the Detroit Airport
I still look back on this with awe.  I was changing planes in Detroit.  I got out my laptop, got out my credit card holder and input my card number to their wireless service, did my business, shut down the laptop, and went for a walk.  The terminals in the Detroit airport are so long, there is a light rail system inside to ferry passengers around.  I walked and walked and soon came to a Harley Davidson store.  My brother in law Bob has a Harley, and I thought, wouldn't it be nice to get his Christmas present here?  A Harley shirt from the Motor City!  I walked inside the store, and they didn't have the one I liked in his size.  So, I gave up and started to walk out, and I noticed the Detroit Harley dealer is named "Bob's Bikes".  Uh oh.  I just knew I had to get a shirt there, and I did find one I liked, and in the right size.  I went to fish out my credit card holder, and it was not there.  Oh my GAWD, I had left it back on the seat (miles away) where I had used my laptop!  What are the chances I'd find it, in Detroit of all places?  I ran back, and there it was, on the seat.

But that's not the miracle.  The miracle was the presence of the Harley Store and the name of the dealer, "Bob's Bikes".  Were it not for the fact that I just had to have the shirt, I would never have found my wallet, which had my driver's license along with the credit cards.

  Biodanza
Here's another community and practice that is so integral to my life, I cannot imagine not doing it.  I went for a massage with a man named Rainbowheart, about 4 or 5 years ago.  For some reason, he mentioned that he did this dancing, and he thought I'd be interested in it.  He took me to the firs class.  I liked it so much, I came again.  And again.  Now I have been doing it for years, can work at an intermediate/advanced level, and I cannot imagine not having this activity and community in my life.  Rainbowheart has since moved to Thailand, and has passed on from this world, but I remember him every so often as I sit with the community before we dance.

   Mostly Motets
I've been a choral singer for many years, but I've never had a good opinion of myself.  However, when we lost our music director where I'd been singing and an interim director came in, I learned that I did ok.  I sang well!  I started developing enough confidence that, when I saw an email announcement that Mostly Motets was looking for altos, I decided that, since I missed early Renaissance music, I'd audition.  I never audition!  But I did anyway, figuring that if I didn't make it, the worst that would happen was that my life wouldn't change.  Well, I made it.  And I'm singing with this amazing group of only 14 people.  Who knows where this will take me?


Posted by Sharon at 3:14 PM EST
Updated: Friday, 4 December 2009 3:54 PM EST
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Tuesday, 1 December 2009
A contract I've fulfilled

I am sure that there is one contract I've fulfilled already.  One reason I'm here is to put an end to the abuse and neglect of children that has run in my family.  I did that with the way I raised my two sons. 

Looking back on the most fateful choice of my life, which was to ruin my relationship with my college boyfriend, I cannot imagine how I could have fulfilled this contrace if I had not made that choice.  Without that relationship, I made it to Arizona, to the School of Education's Counseling and Guidance department, where I learned the Adlerian method of family therapy.  Without that, I woud not have had the success as a mother that I'd had.  I never would have met Paul.  And I never would have moved to San Francisco.

Myss says we have more than one sacred contract.  I am determined to learn the other ones I agreed to.


Posted by Sharon at 12:58 AM EST
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Sunday, 29 November 2009
Where are you going and who will accompany you?

There are two questions, according to Harold Thurman, Harvard prof of Psychology:

1. Where am I going?
2. Who will go with me?

He says if we get them in the wrong order, we're in trouble.  I've had them in the wrong order for my whole adult life.  I'm not blaming myself for that; given my upbringing and the culture I grew up in, I didn't stand a chance of getting it right.  But now.   Now I get to go back to Question #1 and ask and have it answered.  And in answering it, I will find my Sacred Contract - the purpose for which I was put on this earth in this particular place, in this particular time.  

There are no coincidences.  There are no mistakes.  Each of us is of the utmost importance.  Everything that is meant to come my way will arrive in due time, and the right people will appear.  Life is good.

And so, I know my wishes for the coming year:

1. To find and know my Sacred Contract.
2. To find and know a holy and lifegiving relationship.

Onward to the day.  It is bright, sunny and wonderful in San Francisco today.


Posted by Sharon at 11:13 AM EST
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Antics of my mystic helpers

I thought I'd set my clock for 8 am to have enough time to wash my hair and leave here at 9:30 am.  So, when the chime went off (I have a Zen alarm clock that dings so I don't have to get up and hit a snooze alarm), I got up, turned off the clock, and pulled the dark curtains off the windows to see the sun rise over the hills of the East Bay.  I thought, it's not very light for 8 am.  Surprise!  I'd set the alarm for 7 am.

 And if that weren't enough, the flowers I'd placed next to the alarm clock were turned around.

So, I got up, made coffee, and decided that instead of writing in a journal, which is laborious for me, I would write on this blog.  It's better; I will write more, and I can share it with whoever is interested.


Posted by Sharon at 11:08 AM EST
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Mystic helpers and the acquisition of Sacred Contracts (C. Myss)

I've been reading in my Inner Compass class that I am surrounded by spiritual helpers, ancestors and beings I don't even know exist.  They want to help me!  But they can't until I ask.  So, I've asked; I've had a couple of conversations with them.

 They're hilarious!  At least, that's my first take.  And excited!  Energized.  I can feel their eagerness, and it feels great.

 So yesterday, I went to a bookstore to buy a couple of journals.  After I'd found what I wanted, I went downstairs, thinking I'd see if they had a copy of a book I'd just ordered, The Wishing Year, by Noelle Oxenhandler.   I thought I'd peek ahead of the excerpt I read.  But I couldn't find the book.

While looking for the "O" authors in the Psych section, Caroline Myss' book Sacred Contracts popped out at me, and I picked it up.   I read, in the intro, "Archetypes are the architects of our lives."  I still have little idea of what that means, but the word "Archetype" struck me from my dream work, and some connection was made.   I started to put the book back and go home, but a little voice inside of me said, "Why do you think you're holding this book, silly?"  And I responded with a laugh, "Oh.  Right.  I'm supposed to buy it."  I swear I heard them laugh.

 This is not the first time I've walked into a bookstore and the book I'm supposed to read jumped into my hand.


Posted by Sharon at 11:05 AM EST
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Thursday, 29 October 2009
The life that I'm living...

Is the life that you are living the same as the life that wants to live in you?

 Parker Palmer poses this question at the beginning of his book, "Let Your Life Speak".  Maybe to you, the question is moot.  Of course, what you're living is your life!  But for me, and I'd guess for many others, the question holds my attention as I contemplate what it is that wants to live in me.  What life in me is aching to be born in the world?  What life is waiting for me to live it?  I can't claim that my life has been wasted, and I know that some of what I've lived has wanted to live in me.  And at this point in the journey, I also know that there is yet more, and a yet different life that is calling from within me.

 It's time to listen.  Time to stop informing my life and time to start letting it inform me.


Posted by Sharon at 6:25 PM EDT
Updated: Thursday, 29 October 2009 6:35 PM EDT
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