Some of the beliefs we hold can prove to be insurmountable obstacles in the process of forgiveness; in fact, they may be the very things that prevent us from forgiving and healing ourselves.  Here are some of them; the list is by no means exhaustive.

• Forgiving someone who did us wrong does not mean we tolerate the wrong that was done.
• Forgiving does not mean that we want to forget what happened.
• Forgiving does not mean that we excuse the person who did it.
• Forgiving does not mean that we take the edge off the evil of what was done to us.
• Forgiving does not mean that we surrender our right to justice.

We surrender our right to revenge, not our right to justice.  It's important to keep these separate.  Surrendering our right to revenge means we give up our desire to see the person who hurt us be hurt in turn as much as (or more than) we have been hurt.  We can still demand that they make amends to us or to society; we can demand that they not be reinstated in the position they held before they wronged us, and we can insist that they leave us alone, and still forgive them!

Forgiving does not mean that we invite someone who hurt us once to hurt us again.  This is especially true in abusive situations.  In fact, I'd argue that in order to forgive someone who has abused us, we must first put ourselves into a position that will ensure they will not hurt us again.  For some people, this may mean obtaining a restraining order, or even putting someone in jail.